Or maybe I should call him Bullet the Wondershit, because last week, angry that I was spending so much time away from the house, he decided to strategically shit in a number of areas to make a point. See, normally I take him on a daily romp through the woods, but because of all these other plans I’ve had lately, I wasn’t finding much time for him. So, he left a present for my daughter to clean up, a present for my wife to clean up, and a shitload of presents for me to clean up. As my wife said, “he’s diabolical.”
Trying to Hear Him Out
Instead of punishing him for his misdeeds, I tried going the soft route first. I took him for a couple of one-hour hikes, two days in a row, and he was so happy. Just look at him in that photo above. He stared at me like that the entire drive to the trailhead, and then again on the way back home. He loved it.
But then Wednesday came. It was raining, gray, and I had too much work to do, so I couldn’t take him for a walk. And what did he do? While we slept, he snuck upstairs—which he’s “trained” not to do—and left eight or nine steaming heaps in four distinct locations. I mean, he must have forced these babies out of spite. He then peed on my wife’s bike equipment, just because he seems to blame her more than anyone else for his woes.
So what am I supposed to do about this? He’s been canina non grata all week around here, and I’ve had to move him back into his cage so he doesn’t attack the house at night. It sucks. And I’ve been purposely not taking him for a walk now this week, even though I’m around, so he doesn’t think he gets rewarded for such behavior. I don’t know if he’s as smart as all that, but I honestly think he is. Either way, he and I are waging serious mental warfare against each other right now.
But I Get It
No, I’m not happy with him. I need a couple more days I think before I let him know we’re going walking again. But I do see his point. He needs exercise. He needs to “get out.” If he doesn’t expand his territory and freely roam about at least once a day, he feels a little down and wants to dump his shit on people.
Us humans aren’t any different. Maybe we don’t use fecal matter, but when we’re not getting enough time to exercise or do the things we care about, we can be a little too quick to complain, can’t we? A little too quick to dump our shit on people? It’s pretty obvious we all need to get up and away from the desks more. Kill the boredom. Murder the mundane. I know Bullet just wants to spice things up each day so his life isn’t an endless loop of licking himself on the side porch. I get it.
But man, do I wish he could use words to let me know it.
Maybe by tomorrow he’ll have learned his lesson, and we can go hiking again.