A few years ago, I thought I was fairly intelligent. Or at least smart enough to get 7 out of 61 questions right on Jeopardy! But now I’m not so sure. Have you ever looked into Bitcoin? Trying to understand Bitcoin feels like trying to help the kids with their math homework when Common Core came out. I thought I got it. Then I didn’t. Then I comforted myself with the thought that failing is a part of life, and a good lesson for the kids to learn in first grade.
Mining What and Where?
Anybody who is anybody says that you’ve got to invest in Bitcoin. And by anybody, I mean Gen Zers, criminals surfing the dark web, and China. China is actually blasting rocks in the earth and mining for the stuff. Mining! Did you know that Bitcoins come from the earth? Okay so they don’t come from the earth, but apparently you can earn bitcoins by looking at math algorithms and “mining” them to determine if other bitcoins are being duplicated. It’s like a counterfeit fraud audit for the cyberworld. At least I think that’s what Investopedia says. I don’t know. I blacked out after trying to understand how “blockchains” work. What I do know is that when China looks like the friendliest proponent of something, you’re entering terrifying waters.
This morning my wife and I were contemplating Bitcoin investing and I thought I’d look into it some more. I spent the early morning watching YouTube videos and reading how-to-invest articles, but only discovered more headaches. None of my research really informed me how I can spend bitcoins either. As far as I can tell, the greatest use for them is that you can now buy a Tesla. Which is pretty cool. But my first thought when I learned that was: if I was in law enforcement, I’d start profiling Tesla sales to see who was out there trolling the dark web. That was enough to discourage any thoughts of a Tesla purchase. I don’t need that kind of heat.
How Do I Use It?
But even if you did want to buy a Tesla, what else could you get with your bitcoins in the real world? Anything? And have you seen the latest valuation? It’s over $61,000 for a single coin! I repeat: SIXTY-ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. All for something that you can’t even buy food with. I’m having an easier time getting my head around buying a plot of land that’s buried two miles below the ocean’s surface. It’s not like Bitcoin is the only cryptocurrency game in town either. Now you can buy Litecoin, Etherium, Etherium Classic (whatever the hell that means), Zcash, and the latest one making waves, Dogecoin. So which one should you buy? Who is to say which one of these actually has staying power?
And if cryptocurrency really does become a thing, doesn’t it feel like a crisis is looming where one day we’ll all wake up and only a handful of people who bought this stuff are suddenly very powerful, and the rest of the world won’t even be able to buy a gallon of milk? That can’t happen, can it? Uncle Sam would have to step in then and create their own cryptocurrency standard, wouldn’t they? Which would then render all of these cryptocurrencies useless, right?
But I know I’m missing something. I’ve got to be. There’s a lot of press out there indicating that the people investing in Bitcoin aren’t Gen Zers, but are actually people my like me: middle-aged dads over-exercising the use of their sweatshirts to endure remote-work living. So what’s the deal? Lay it on me. Why do I need Bitcoin? Because until Amazon starts accepting it, I’m not sure what it’s good for.
I’m with you on this….