When I first started sending copies of my memoir to agents, I received a lot of positive feedback, but there was a consistent message coming back to me. The start of the conversation usually went something like this: “we like your writing, but, you’re a man writing a memoir. That’s the least popular type of book to buy. Especially for an unknown.” Elaborating, they explained that roughly 85% of all book purchases come from women—that men don’t read anymore. Furthermore, when women peruse the aisles of a bookstore, data shows that the book they are least likely to buy is a memoir from a man. “Memoirs by men don’t sell,” they said.
This made sense to me, but it surprised me how frank the agents were. In a world where everyone is so careful about their messaging these days, I greatly appreciated the candor.
“Memoirs by men don’t sell.”
By the Numbers
I also had no idea how much women dominated the literary marketplace. I knew in my bones that women read more, but at a ratio of 85:15? That was stunning. For a long time, I noticed that most men seemed to read online news or ESPN, maybe a newspaper or two—but not much in the way of books. I knew the scales were tipped, but I didn’t realize they were this lopsided. Hearing this ratio really brought gravity to the situation.
And it would be one thing if I heard this from one agent, but I heard it from multiple. Oftentimes, it was the first thing they told me, as if they were all operating off the same cheat sheet for what sells. They probably are, which makes good business sense. If I were an agent, I’d want to know what everyone else knows too.
It’s probably why the second thing they told me was just as consistent: nobody knows you. Because I wasn’t famous or didn’t have an Instagram profile with tens of thousands of followers, they said it would be too difficult to market me.
The more I heard that, the more I realized the onus for marketing a book is falling more and more on the author—which makes it a little less clear why we need traditional publishing as much. Obviously, their distribution reach and connections are a difference-maker, but if building a massive online following is now instrumental, self-publishing doesn’t seem like such a leap. You’re doing so much of the work already.
“Nobody knows you.”
So Let it Rip
My point in bringing all this up is that if you’re a man writing a memoir, don’t be discouraged that the marketplace doesn’t really want you. If you have a story to tell, you have options to share it, and you should. Your art should not be reduced to a metric. I’m guessing your reasons for writing your book come not from a desire to make money, but from someplace personal—a deep wish to share what you’ve learned because it might help others to know what you’ve experienced.
So let it rip. If an agent tells you they won’t take you on because you’re unknown and nobody reads memoirs by men, self-publish. And when you do, let me know what your story is. I’ll probably read it.
Lessons in Writing
If you’re writing a book or anything at all, and would like to know more about how it all goes, head over to In Writing for more.