When the writing bug strikes there are these moments where your ability to write can’t keep up with the entirety of your thoughts, and you end up losing some of the complexities you were hoping to deliver. Your hands might be able to catch up with two or maybe even ten of your ideas, but now and again you come to a stop and realize there was some thought you really wanted to communicate, but now you’ve forgotten what it was. The horror!
Losing that thought feels a lot like trying to participate in a conversation with friends: you just had an idea strike you that you would like to share, but the conversation sweeps past you before you get an appropriate chance to contribute it. By the time there is a lull in the conversation where you can interject, you’re so focused on what the last person was saying that you’ve completely forgotten what it was you were going to say. That’s what writing feels like sometimes, only the participants in the conversation are the ideas in your head, some of which go running away before you’ve had a chance to make sense of them all.
When you first start out writing you might tend towards perfectionism, worrying that your words aren’t worth reading unless they are absolutely perfect. You toil and toil over your words, worrying that you are going to start losing readers before you’ve even got them. I fell into this trap in my twenties, which is probably why I shelved my writing for twenty years. Oh, to be in your forties and not concerned what anyone thinks of you anymore! Free at last! If only our forty-year-old selves could give our twenty-year-old selves some coaching, how much easier life could be.
That being said, when I first started blogging, I fell into some old habits. Worrying that I was going to look like an idiot when I posted something on my newfangled website, I spent an inordinate amount of time on those first few posts, hoping to capture all of the depth and understanding I wish to convey in what I hope will be a fifty-year career. An impossible task, but such are the irrational dreams of writers.
Eventually, I let all that go. Once I accepted that there isn’t one blog, no less one book, that can capture all of the thoughts that any of us would like to say before our time is up, the words started to flow more freely. Now each time I write, whether it’s in this blog, or another chapter in my book, I search for little truths to share, and am comfortable running with the idea that eventually, in aggregate, all of what I want to say might come out. But before that day comes, you just have to roll the dice and start.
A very perceptive post!
I keep a notes app on my phone for when writing inspiration strikes as if I don’t make a note of it there & then it can disappear into the ether!
Definitely wish my late thirties self could give my younger self some coaching, but I suppose the game is to figure it out along the way, my kids are showing me that in their complete indifference to any guidance I might offer 😂
I totally do the notes app thing too Rae! And lately I’ve just been using the wordpress app to throw a title down in the post section so that I can remember an idea I had. Regarding kids and writing, been thinking a lot lately about the loss of control we feel as we get older and our kids get older, and I’ve been learning to accept that reality. When the kids are young I think we feel like we want to do it better than those that came before us, so we try to control that, and for awhile it might even work. But eventually life outpaces us. These days I’ve come to some major realizations with kids and writing, that while there are things I can guide, there is so much out of my control. The kids will be who they are going to be, and readers will interpret my writing however they are gonna interpret them. Hmmm. Maybe this should be another post! 😂
I do that in WordPress too, I’ve often got a few titles to go back and fill in later.
Learning to accept reality is a skill I feel I’ve been working on for years, but my high expectations always seem to get in the way! 😂
I totally agree though that acceptance and letting go of what we can’t control, particularly where our kids are concerned, is the best path to peace and deeper, more connected relationships.
I definitely think this should be another post, one I need to read!
Absolutely relatable, Matt. If only we could write with the speed of our thoughts. There’s a point where perfectionism become deadening because the quality of writing doesn’t become better, it just becomes different. And we might even lose the freshness of our original “voice.” There’s a sweet spot between creativity and craft that every author strives to achieve. Happy Writing!
Well said Diana. I suppose it’s all about learning when to hold on and when to let go, in order to find that sweet spot. Just like life!
I think a huge sense of relieving freedom can come from caring a little less about what others think, letting go of perfectionism, going with the flow and taking the risk. I find that I can stop myself from writing at all because I want it to be perfect and if I’m writing on a certain subject, I want to cram everything into that one blog post. But you can’t, and then I look back at it and think how awful that post was, and it again puts me off writing. I think it’s good to realise how these ways of thinking can affect us because it’s only then that you can start changing them.
For what it’s worth, as a reader of your blog, I’ve found your content to be excellent and I wouldn’t want to think you’re stressing yourself out with what you write. I’ll read whatever you blog about, and your lovely readers will do the same with no judgement or critique. If we wait for getting things just right or being able to convey everything we want to convey then we’ll forever be stuck in a painful, self-demoralising limbo.
Great post by the way, really got me thinking 😉
Caz xx
Thank you so much Caz! I guess the good news is that the stress of writing seems to be behind me now. A lot of that has come with practice, I suppose, and understanding what my limits are and what I’m ok letting go of. A big breakthrough came for me when I was finally able to delete a line I loved, whether it was on this site or in one of WIPs, because it just didn’t fit. When I was able to do that, this got a bit easier! Thanks for your comment and your blog! Always looking forward to the next post!