A few years ago I thought I was fairly intelligent. Or at least smart enough to get 7 out of 61 questions right on Jeopardy! But now I’m not so sure. Have you ever looked into Bitcoin? Trying to understand Bitcoin feels like trying to help the kids with their math homework when Common Core…
Help! I’m Living With Criminals
Help! If you’re reading this, please send help. I’m trapped. I’ve locked myself in the master bathroom, but that’s not the problem. The problem is lurking just outside the bathroom door, waiting for me to come out so that they can terrorize me some more. Armed with a relentlessness that would have made Al Capone…
I Shall Remake My Body
Edmund Morris wrote a book called The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt, which if you haven’t checked out, I highly recommend. It makes for a great audio book too. Anyway, expounding on Teddy’s early life, the book reveals that Teddy was a sickly child who battled debilitating asthma, and his family feared for his life. But…
When the Pain is Finally Gone
After living with pain for so long, it’s hard to imagine a day without it, but it feels like that day could be approaching soon. Its surreal to even think about. As I write this, another nerve in my back is burning, signaling that yet another stage of healing is about to be completed. Fingers…
Sympathy for the Easter Bunny
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a problem with the Easter Bunny. When I was five and finally entering an age of semi-consciousness, I recall asking my parents why this magical basket was presented to me on Easter morning. Listening to their explanation that a bunny snuck into the house in…
What the Hell Just Happened?
What the hell just happened? A year ago I was master of my own destiny; a self-employed father of the year, dropping pearls of wisdom on the kids before I went off to work. I was gunning for husband of the year too, encouraging my wife to pursue her dreams and go back to work…
Friendly’s Vanilla Ice Cream Saved My Life – Well, Sorta
We’ve all played the game. You’re on a desert island with no food and no water, but by some magic you are presented with one choice that could make all the difference: if you could have one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be? There’s only ever been one…
Making Bets My Body Can’t Cash
Four weeks ago, adding yet another chapter to the great history of bad decisions that is my life, I made a bet with my wife and daughter that if my chronic nerve pain wasn’t healed in a week, I’d pay them $100. They wouldn’t even have to pay me if I won. Talk about giving…
The Water is Tomorrow and Tomorrow is the Day
Every day for the last year I’ve been telling myself that tomorrow’s the day. Tomorrow’s the day that my body will heal and this will finally end. Tomorrow’s the day where I can get my old life back. Tomorrow’s the day where a new life is possible. And when tomorrow comes, and I’m greeted by…
On My Last Nerve
It’s been a long time. Hard to believe how long. Could it really be three and a half years? 1267 days? That number doesn’t even seem real to me, but that’s how long it’s been since the day I went to the ER and this whole nightmare began. 1267 days since my nervous system got…