So it’s the day after Christmas, and if you’re Christian, you probably went to church yesterday. For many, it’s the only time they go each year, or maybe the only time they go outside of Easter. And that’s fine with me. I’m not here to chastise or judge. I can’t get my family to go much beyond that and I’ve only recently been able to up my ante, trying to get myself to church once a month at the very least. I figure I should focus on my own relationship with church if I want to be able to better communicate why it’s a good thing to go.
There are, of course, many reasons we go. It may be to pray for a loved one who is hurting, or to pray that someone is happy and safe. It might be that we have something we feel guilty about and are hoping for forgiveness. There are some who might go because they think they can do whatever they want during the week, so long as they go to church on Sunday to absolve themselves of their wrongdoings. Others might go for show, to prove to their community what a good person they are. And some… well, some might only go because someone else made them. Not all reasons are the right ones.
But most of our reasons are. For me personally, I’ve been finding that church gives me a timeout to express gratitude for all that’s been bestowed on me. I like to do this in the mountains as well, but being in the mountains doesn’t feel selfless. Going to church does. Going to church feels like I’m going someplace I wouldn’t choose to go to other than out of respect for this miracle I get to live. When I put it in those terms, it makes it much easier to stop what I’m doing and give an hour to say thanks.
It’s not the only reason I go. I also go for forgiveness and hope. In terms of forgiveness, I’m not really seeking some for myself, although that does happen too — a saint I am not. But a lot of times when I’m at church I’m seeking the strength to consistently forgive others. That hour in church helps me soften my heart towards people who have committed some serious wrongs and allows me to let go of things with more grace. Finding more forgiveness in my heart allows me to look at the future with more hope and stay optimistic in a world that seems hellbent on stoking the fires of societal anxiety. Forgiveness and hope are good feelings to maintain, and I’ve found that expressing gratitude at church is often a gateway to those emotions.
But where am I going with all of this? Well, I kept thinking yesterday how great it would be to take that nice feeling we get out of a Christmas service — that goodness of spirit we tend to leave church with — and bring it with us as we exit the church doors. I think if you can really be present at church, you can sometimes lock that feeling inside of you for the rest of the week. There is a feeling of peace we get when we do something kind for someone or do a good deed, and church can provide a similar benefit if it’s done for the right reasons. But it’s difficult to get there.
One of the reasons I fell in love with the mountains and climbing is because it felt like I was going to God’s true church, and it was much easier for me to feel God’s presence there. This is still true. I can’t say I ever really feel God at church. But I no longer feel like I have to. I’ve started to look at the mountains as my chance to connect with God and church as my chance to better connect, and forgive, humanity.
It makes sense when I really think about it. After all, God didn’t make any of these buildings with steeples and pews — man did. But God made the mountains, and it always felt to me, what better way to pay my respect than to visit them and be present in the grandeur of God’s creation? I’m hardly alone in this. When you read the messages of others on social media, it’s clear that the mountains help so many feel spiritually connected to something outside of themselves. It’s truly magical and I’ve derived so much peace from them.
But I’m finding going to church does something for me that gives me an extra bump of internal peace. Because I don’t ever really want to go. Not really. Well, not at first. At first it’s a big drag and I feel like I’m going through the motions. And when you don’t want to do something it makes you chase more of what you do want to do when church is over. You may go play more golf, or go out for more drinks, or in my case, go chase more mountains.
But after a few times of going to church, I become more aware of an internal forgiveness of everything and everyone, including myself, that makes daily living more peaceful. And I wouldn’t say this is because of anything special the priest said or because of the readings from the Bible. It simply comes from the act of wanting to be a good person and finding a place where others are trying to do the same. That’s pretty cool.
There’s a million ways to skin a cat, as they say, and whatever our religion of choice is, we have so many options to find the forgiveness of heart and peace I’m talking about. I know for me, going to the mountains has always been my primary religious practice and has worked wonders. But that time in church, giving an hour where I have no control of the message and sometimes may not even like the message, does something pretty special for me too. Giving up control of my life for just an hour helps me relax my grip and gets me out of my own head. It puts me in others’ shoes, and not just the ones I have affinity for, or ones I wish to know better.
And you know what’s really weird? The more I go to church, each Mass does less for me than the one before, but that’s only because that feeling of forgiveness and gratitude seems to stick around in my head much stronger throughout the week.
It’s like one of those power bar meters in a video game that allows the player to continue their quest. After the first few times of regularly going to church, the meter may have dropped to half full by the next visit, but now when I go, I feel pretty full already and another visit just ensures my power bar stays filled up. And I think this is because I’m getting better at taking church with me through the week. I don’t mean the Bible verses or the sermons, but the idea that I will always have much to learn and that this is okay. That I am just one part of this swirling mass of humanity, hoping to improve itself in honor of a universe that has given it a gift beyond its comprehension.
Going to church, even just once in a while, is helping me develop the church in my mind, which I’m finding is a very nice place to go.