Weekend Notes From the Greatest 3B Coach of All Time

Last weekend our little band of miscreants checked their egos at home and came to the diamond with a positive mindset. Our message of supporting each other and remaining upbeat no matter what, looks like it finally took hold. Even though half the team forgets how to play baseball every other inning, just staying positive led them to a 15-5 win.

There’s always a cast of characters on every Little League team, and this year’s no different. Running between 11 and 12 years of age, the added testosterone is perhaps making them a little edgier than normal, but the team dynamics haven’t changed much since they were 7. We still have the same mix of kids who are dialed in to play versus those who have other priorities. The break out of the current squad is as follows:

Spots 1-4 are taken by the kids who actually show up to play baseball for every practice and every game. These kids are locked in on the game and are minimally distracted by other nonsense. They are also the kids that typically end up playing 1B, Catcher, 3B and Pitcher. Without them anchoring your team, field play looks less like baseball and more like a mess of kids skipping rocks across a pond. As long as you can keep their egos in check, you don’t have to worry about these guys.

Spots 5-9 are taken by our “every other play” kids. These are the guys who like to keep us on our toes by looking like good players for one play, and then airmailing it twenty feet over the first baseman’s head on the next one. They also get so excited when they make it to first base, they often steal when I give the sign to stay put, and then stay put when I give the sign to steal. If you can get these kids to believe in themselves, it could be all the difference between winning and losing.

Spot 10 is taken by the uncoachable kid. This is the kid who could play well if he would only accept advice. Instead he thinks every suggestion we make is “weird” and has decided to do everything his own way. He doesn’t mean to be difficult — he’s actually a really nice kid. He just does what feels comfortable to him, even if that means dropping balls and striking out three times a game. He’s blinded by some weird set of rules that exist in his head, dictating how to best live his life. You can only hope that someday he meets a really good woman who can shake him awake.

Spots 11 and 12 are taken by the Fortnite guys. These two spend most of their free time playing Fortnite, thinking about Fortnite, or talking about Fortnite. When they take the field, they are often looking in a direction other than where the action is taking place; it’s quite possible they are scouting the area for enemy snipers. Their top priority in life is to spend the entire weekend playing Fortnite, and the resulting sleep deprivation really helps contribute to the overall lack of team focus. We’ve decided to see if we can teach these guys how to bunt. 

Lastly, we have player 13. Ah, player 13. More concerned with his hair than baseball, he regularly asks permission to take the field without a hat. Every week he shows up to practice with a fresh quaff of frosted hair like he’s European soccer player, and every week he asks to avoid batting practice so he doesn’t have to put a helmet on and mess up his hair. When we can get him to put on a hat and take the field, he usually heads to the wrong position, only because he is so busy worrying about his hair that he can’t process the words “right field.”

And yet this team is really good when they stay positive. Last weekend they talked each other up and didn’t sweat their mistakes, and this led to a fifteen-run eruption. Everybody contributed. Players 1-4 got their hits. Players 5-9 stole ten bases I never told them to. Uncoachable kid got a hit his way. The Fortnite twins took their walks and flew around the basepaths like they were being hunted. Even Frosty-hair, who went to the outfield without a hat for the entire game, made good contact at the plate and actually acted like he wanted to be there for the first time.

Could it be that these guys are finally coming together a week before playoffs? Every time they have a win like this they follow up the next one with a dud. One bad play in the first inning and they really get negative in a hurry. Tonight is their last regular season game — could this be the one where they finally string two W’s in a row? I’ve come to accept Frosty-hair will forget his hat, uncoachable-kid can’t be coached, and the Fortnite twins are living in a different realm, but if everybody can just stay positive, we might actually have a shot.