“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain
I know we just had Mother’s Day and we’ve got a month before we’re supposed to care about dad, but man oh man, can we talk for just a second about the cruel irony of being a modern dad? In particular, being a Gen X modern dad, who was raised to believe everything his father said, no matter what? Even when we thought it sounded a little hinky?
Fast forward and here we are, wedged between phones with Google that can fact-check every opinion we have, and television shows showing every father out there to be an inane imbecile who knows NOTHING. Absolutely nothing! What’s a guy to do in a cultural environment that grants such sweeping societal permission for our kids to question our every thought? Our motives? Or how we compare to other kids’ fathers as they watch TikTokkers describe what their parents do right—and what they do wrong?
If you’re a Gen X kid you may remember Nick at Nite, where we got to watch the television of our forefathers on Nickelodeon. Shows like Father Knows Best and Leave It to Beaver—idyllic representatives of the all-knowing father, so clearly deserving of kindness and respect. I imagine having shows like these helped foster an environment where kids of the 50s grew up into parents who expected that kind of respect from their own children in the 80s. And us Gen Xers gave it to them when we weren’t roaming the streets on our BMX bikes or hiding out in the woods for seven hours a day.
But what TV dads did Gen Xers get? Nothing but a long line of Homer Simpsons, Al Bundys, and Peter Griffins, portraying all of us as complete fools. I guess we had a few good TV dads, but the best ones didn’t turn out to be so hot in real life, did they? Disgustingly awful, actually. (I give you Bill Cosby and Stephen Collins of 7th Heaven fame.) Where were our Father Knows Bests? Our Leave It to Beavers? Where are the good TV dads nowadays who can offer some positive subliminal messaging, teaching our kids that dads are pretty cool. That we know a thing or two?
And God forbid we do venture a guess about something “we know,” when conferring with our kids. Whatever we discuss is at risk of an immediate factcheck. A “Hey Siri this,” or a “Hey Google that,” wondering if we’re completely full of it. I’m not even safe from my own father. The other day a plumber told me that throwing eggshells down the garbage disposal was good for it—that it actually helped clean out the blades. I shared this bit of wisdom with my father who immediately went to ChatGPT and asked if that was true. “Nope, bad idea,” Chat said. Or something to that effect. I can’t even have my Leave It To Beaver moment with the guy who was raised on Leave It to Beaver! And I’ve got to get a new plumber.
Sigh.
I don’t really know where I’m going with all of this other than for all you dads out there—especially you Gen X dads caught between two completely different technological existences in one lifespan—I see you, and I will do my darndest not to factcheck you, even when I know you are totally full of bologna. Because dads are no longer supposed to know everything. How can we? How can we store all of our life experience AND the entire internet in our head? There’s only so much processing RAM one person can take without their head exploding.
So—and this message is probably more for me, than you—just focus on the important stuff. Teach your kids what you know to be true from your life experience, and don’t worry about it when they show you something they found online that says your experience isn’t true anymore. Eventually they’ll believe you. Fingers crossed. And for all the other stuff in the ever-expanding online universe that you don’t know about? Well, obviously, if you don’t know about it, it isn’t that important. That stuff is exactly what the internet is for.